Giving Back

No matter what I do in my life, I always want to ensure it's tied to something where I'm helping others. My small business allows me to pursue my passion of painting and creating. It has been a true gift and I have always wanted it to be a true gift to others.

This season, I am thrilled to donate 20% of every purchase to the Neonatology Research Unit at Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville, Tennessee.

The reason I chose this recipient is because I lived there for 6 days back in 2020.

Back Story

40 weeks pregnant and 1 day. We were ready for this baby and we opted not to find out the gender. Charlotte or Walter were the names we had fallen in love with. I went into labor on August 29, 2020 around 3:00 a.m. I was so excited with every mild contraction. I could not go back to sleep and, instead, insisted I bounce on our exercise ball to get things going. Kendall (my husband) took the opportunity to continue to sleep. This baffled me because hello! Our baby was coming! How can you sleep?...

*sigh* I'll be jealous of his decision later.

We left for the natural birthing center (owned by Vanderbilt) and arrived around 7 a.m. Contractions grew stronger. I labored from bed, to Swedish ladder, to shower, to tub over the course of many hours. I was fed popsicles, granola bars, and ice. Kendall was given a break while the midwives took care of me. My body was not able to relax, so I opted for Nitrous Oxide to help my body take a break. It was exactly what I needed. I was dilated far enough, so they pulled me to the bed and broke my water.

This is where it gets intense.

Kendall said it was like someone had dumped algae out of my body. Dark green. This meant meconium was in my water and the baby could be in danger. Since I was at a natural birthing center, Kendall decided to have me transferred via ambulance to Vanderbilt's main hospital in case the baby needed any immediate care. That was the most excruciating ride. No nitrous oxide, full contractions at 9 cm dilated, grown men trying to strap me down to a gurney (they did not win that fight), and the baby was coming. Believe me when I tell you I cried out to God to save me.

When we arrived at the hospital, it was go time. Pushing for 2 hours (again my body would not relax). I had to test for covid before they would allow me nitrous oxide and it took 2 hours before I was cleared. The moment I had nitrous oxide, BOOM...baby born! 9:11 p.m. on August 29th, 2020. "It's a Walter!" Kendall yelled.

But there was no cry.

Silence. They didn't put my baby on my chest. They took him away. I didn't see him. I didn't touch him. I couldn't hear him. I called out for him to say something. I heard suction over to the side. I'm asking what's going on. People are stitching me up. I opened my eyes to see at least 20 people in our room. There was a full team pulling meconium from my baby's lungs. Still no cry. It felt like an eternity and then I heard him. A cry. A beautiful cry. A small, helpless, precious baby crying out. We all cried.

They brought him to me and my body relaxed. Tears of joy. Tears of exhaustion. Tears of relief that he's okay. Tears of love. We get to our room where we marvel over God's creation. We facetimed family, we order a meal, we were set. A family of three.

Our goal was to leave after 24 hours. We wanted to heal in the comfort of our home and not stay the full two days. A few hours into our stay, Kendall noticed Walter doing something different. It was a twitching movement on the right side of his body that would last anywhere between 15-30 seconds. Then, 45 min later, he would do it again. We asked our nurse and we were told not to worry.

I worried.

He did it again. I asked again. I was told he's fine. They were getting ready to discharge us. I started to panic because I just felt in my soul something was wrong and I couldn't leave this hospital. We asked a doctor to come look and watch one of the videos we took of Walter doing this odd movement. He did some tests and Walter passed. But still...something wasn't right. The doctor left the room and Walter immediately started twitching again. Kendall rushed out the room to grab the doctor. He came in, witnessed, and tested again while he was twitching.

"Let's have him go to the nursery. You guys can rest and I can monitor him," he said kindly. I didn't want to, but we agreed that it was a good idea.

I had a massive panic attack shortly after they took my baby away. An hour later, the doctor came in to inform us that Walter was having seizures and he's been moved to the NICU immediately to try and stop them, check on his brain, and start tests to see what was going on.

Now, this is during mid-Covid. We were confined to our room and were not allowed to leave unless discharged. And even if we were discharged, only one person can visit in the NICU per day...We couldn't go see our baby. We were doing everything we could to take care of our child while we were trapped in another part of the hospital. Pumping to make sure our baby was well fed, on call with doctors to hear of all the tests they were going to run on our baby, calls with insurance to make sure little man was added to our plan immediately...

We decided the best choice was to leave the hospital and rest at home and in the comfort of our family than stay trapped in our hospital room. We live 45 min away from the hospital. I sobbed endlessly leaving him. It makes me emotional even now.

Here's a photo of our sweet boy (the nurses let us both see him before we left) and this was also incredibly hard to see. He was covered in so many cords, IVs in his head, both hands, both feet, and not in the comfort of my arms. If we picked him up in the wire spaghetti, a bunch of sounds and alarms would go off.

We kissed him endlessly, we sang to him, we fed him through a bottle and we prayed. We prayed on our hands and knees. I wept for my child. It was HARD.

This started the many days of tests on our strong man. The NICU team was incredible. They put in a request everyday asking if both Kendall and I could be in the NICU. We were granted that gift every visit. They were so kind, so loving, so understanding and encouraging.

If you don't know Kendall and I, we love to laugh. We enjoy humor and sometimes it's definitely needed when certain things are out of our control. So, while sitting in his NICU room, we started joking around. They had this little heated lamp above Walter to keep him warm and we were teasing that "Walt's at the beach. Gettin' a little sun tan before we take him home." One of the nurses (Taylor) came in and overheard us and we all started laughing. She joined in, "Are you in Mexico?" Walter gave her a little smirky smile "Ooohhhh!!! Looks like someone has a bit of a crush?!" we said. "You want my phone number?" Taylor asked.

Some of the nurses looked a little confused when they came in and would find us laughing. I think it's because, typically, this wing is filled with worry, silence, fear, tears.

We shared that while I was pregnant, we called the baby "Kicky- Hi- yah" because he kept kicking me constantly. The next day we walk over to his room to find these decorations on his door. Karate Kid. Again, these nurses were everything.

Walter went under every test. From platelet transfusions to spinal taps, echos and MRIs and CT scans. They put him on Keppra medication and this stopped the seizures instantly (when they first took him away). We were there for 6 days total. The cause of the seizures? They don't know.

By the grace of God, every test came back clear and normal. No infection, no abnormalities, no nothin'. "Sometimes this just happens and we don't know why. It's like a really bad dream and then it never happens again." they told us.

We were told to go home and come back in 6 months. During that time, Walter didn't have a single seizure, passed his 6 month check up and was taken off his medication. Praise the lord. We were completely clear.

What Broke My Heart

While we were in the NICU praying over our baby, kissing that sweet baby boy, and loving on him endlessly...I saw things that broke my heart.

Walter was the largest baby in the NICU. Full term. He was only 6 lb 14 oz...just a peanut. But compared to the other sweet babes there...he was a chunk. These tiny little babies were fighting for their lives, wearing far more gear than our boy and seemed so incredibly small.

I also noticed that Kendall and I were the only parents there during the day. We would arrive at 7 AM and leave by 7 PM. Where are your mommy's and daddy's? I would think to myself on day one. And then, come 7 PM, here come all the mom's and dad's running in to be by their child.

They had to work. They didn't have the luxury to be with their child all day. Some babies had been there for months and you can't just drop everything (unfortunately). You have to keep working, you have to keep the lights on, you have to keep going to provide for your baby in this way. I cried thinking about sitting at my desk at work and not being near my child. I cried for those parents.

I prayed over those babies. Prayed for their healing, prayed for their care. I prayed for those parents. Prayed for their hearts, prayed for endurance, prayed that they knew how incredible of a mom or dad they were.

While we were there, we didn't worry about food once. Different restaurants donate food everyday to provide for the parents in the NICU. You're not thinking about "What to make for dinner" you're just thinking of your child. Jimmy Johns, Witts barbeque, Subway, Chick Fil A are just a few that stepped in and donated food to the NICU for parents. A nurse would come by and ask if we were hungry. We would go to the front desk of the NICU and pick a lunch bag full of hot or fresh food and fill our tummies while we were sitting next to our baby. We didn't miss a beat with him because of this gift. Tons of parents would walk to the desk, grab their meal and head back to their babies.

How incredible that a small gesture made such a huge impact for those families. One less thing to worry about. One less thing put on their shoulders.

Join Me

That's my why. That's why I am choosing to donate 20% of each purchase this holiday season to go to the Neonatology Research Unit at Vanderbilt Hospital.

Funding for the unit equips those doctors and nurses to continue their good work for those babies. Some parents can't afford the NICU and will have to figure out how to afford it later (it's so expensive...) so this donation essentially helps provide funding to their unit so that they can keep working. Tests, labs, care, supplies, you name it. Every penny helps.

It gives the team exactly what they need to provide for those little ones. Any parent can attest to this: it doesn't matter the cost. Do whatever it takes to help my child. I want to make sure these professionals have what they need to do whatever it takes to help those children. To relieve those parents. To provide care and healing to those babies.

Please know that you are helping those little ones! You are making an impact. What you're doing matters. I'm so thankful for that NICU team and all the hard work they put into taking care of my child.

It was a scary experience. I've battled with trying to understand what went wrong. Was it the meconium? Was it my intense labor? Did I do something that caused this? But I can't dwell on it when my child is home, safe, growing and happy. Instead, I choose to be thankful for my God who had his hand over my child, I choose to be thankful for the NICU team and everything they did for us and our experience there, and I choose to give back because I want to help others.

I pray Collectively You can make an impact for the NICU team at Vanderbilt and the families currently staying there this holiday season.